by Emily Thiroux Threatt
My Parents were married on Mother’s Day 80 years ago, so my thoughts keep drifting toward them. I facilitate The Grief and Happiness Alliance gatherings every week where we get together on Zoom, do some writing and sharing and learn happiness practices, and one of their favorite exercises is to write letters, so I decided to write a letter to my Mother in celebration of her wedding and anniversary. I haven’t written a letter like this to my Mother before, and there are so many things I could say. I’ve been thinking about ideas to focus on. Here are a few:
- I could pick out a few memories and reminisce with her, like the time when we were cleaning out her garage together, we found her mother’s love letters to her first husband who died young.
- Or how when I was writing my book, she would sit in a chair behind me so she could watch me write over my shoulder. She was fascinated by my computer which was a new thing at that time.
- Or how we shopped together to buy blue sotted Swiss fabric for my bridesmaid’s dresses, then we shopped together again to buy the ivory raw silk for my daughter’s wedding dress. And how I made all those dresses.
- I could write to her about how I discovered how much she must have loved me as a baby when I was rocking my infant son in the middle of the night feeling overwhelmed by my love for him, She wasn’t one to express emotions, but at that moment, I knew how she must have felt when she held me.
- I could thank her for what she did for me throughout my life remembering how hard she worked to help me get into college, and how hard it must have been to let her 18-year-old daughter to move so far away.
- Or I could write about how she let my best friend move into my bedroom when her new husband was sent off to Vietnam.
- And I would write for sure to tell her how grateful I am that she chose to come live with us during her last year and all the amazing adventures we had during that precious time.
I could write a whole book about her. I only wish I would have talked to her about so many things while I still could. We didn’t communicate well, and I am sure that’s one of the reasons I became a writer. I want to leave nothing left unsaid. In our writing group, after we write a letter to a loved one, we take a breath, then we write another letter from our loved ones back to us. When I wrote that letter to my Mom, I wrote a letter from her back to me. These letters aren’t planned. We just let whatever comes to us to flow out on to the page. We have received beautiful, meaningful answers.
I’m sure we could debate on where these answers come from; however, what matters most is the peace and joy those responses bring.
I encourage you today to write a letter to your mother, or maybe your grandmother. You may want to write it in your journal or find a special place to save what you write. Then you can go back and read it when you can use some mom time. And if your mom is still here, be sure to put that letter in the mail.
After the deaths of two husbands, as well as the many family members and friends, Emily Thiroux Threatt has much experience in the grieving process and has learned to face life with love, optimism, and joy.
Her books include Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief and The Grief and Happiness Handbook. She created The Grief and Happiness Cards and is the host of Grief and Happiness Podcast. She also hosts weekly online gatherings of the Grief and Happiness Alliance where people dealing with loss write together and learn happiness practices.
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